Friends

Ok so the question today and probably every day is why is it so hard to find a true friend???

So over the last few years since moving to this town it is hard to make friends here as it is a bit like high school where if you are not part of the "in crowd" then they are not willing to accept you, even in the work place they are all part of these "clicky" groups and no-one else is allowed to be accepted. No I don't want to be friends with those people but seriously these people are all in their late 20's or older and they are still like this.

I have friends from years ago that I stay in touch with and we all live in different towns now but we all know how to stay in touch and yes we do still see each other.

I have tried joining various groups here and there but there is never anyone around my age group in them and I do find it harder to be friends with people when they are so much older or younger than myself as lets face it, you don't generally have much in common. I even went and did a course this year and thought I could make some friends but there was not one other person in the class that was even close to my age, and I wonder surely there are other people out there around my age with the same sort of issues, or maybe not!

So as time goes on and I don't find myself making any true friends here I feel I have become much more shy and introverted with people and find myself avoiding leaving the house (besides work) unless I absolutely have to.

So where does one go from here, because I am not comfortable with the lack of social outings in my life and don't know where to start. And are people just so wrapped up in themselves that they forget other people do exist?

I decided I need to stop living in the past also and deleted a shit load of people from facebook today as I realised i'm not friends with you people and I don't care what you get up to and i'm sure they don't care about what I get up to either.

So as we all move forward in our lives it seems to be harder to make friends as we get older as a lot of people my age are interested in kids or getting married, and well i'm not so I feel this also makes it harder to relate to other people sometimes.

So is this town suffocating me or have we all just lost it???

Signing out Dxxx

Drunken nights

(Some random picture, but just an idea of what u think u can still do when u r drunk hee hee)

Last weekend I had one of those drunken nights where you remember what it was like to be a kid and do those stupid things that you used to do when you were a drunk 18 year old (ok maybe even 17).

So it began with a phone call of "hey you guys up for a drinks night"? and my reply being f*** yes!

The first thing that appealed to me besides the fact there was alcohol involved was that it was a house party and I don't know about anyone else but I LOVE a house party, it is soooo much better than going out!

So I arrive with my alcohol and the vodka jelly shots in hand and we begin the drinking. Pizza has now been ordered also and it tastes great as usual when you've had too much to drink. Now the sun has gone down and the fun begins. First call is the scooters (drinks night held by parents) and it just begins with us taking turns up and down the street and crashing and burning on gutters after building up too much speed etc etc.... Then the "stealth mode" team (u had to be there to get it) has called upon us for their first mission, and it is "get the sign from the school down the road" (the one the parents kids go to). So off goes team "stealth mode" on scooters and with a drill in hand. Whilst they have gone off and seem to have been gone a while myself and another drunk decide to go off on the bikes drunk and with out helmets of course (because we are invincible). So we head into the school grounds from the back way and it is pitch black and I am just hoping this chicky knows where she is going because I couldn't see shit (but that is the fun of it isn't it?) All of a sudden I hear an announcement (in a whisper) that she has found team "stealth mode" and they have been successful on their mission and the reason they are taking there sweet ass time is because they decided to get all 3 signs on the post. (as you do). So off we head with scooters, bikes and signs. (Which were dumped back to the school the next night).

So back to the party and the shots of all kinds have begun, Black Sambucca, Jelly Shots, Tequila....... So then of course the trampoline looks like a good idea to a few of us and then decide maybe it is not so good and we just lie on it looking up at the stars and having a D&M. Now I remember having D&M's on a trampoline when I was about 17. Then back to the party and scooters and bikes are taken off again into the black abyss, and witches hats appear back at the house in the driveway.

(Note there is also a party next door). So then the cops turn up.... My god I can't even remember the last party I was at when the cops came. But I feel proud that we have been successful in getting the talking to from them as the party next door was much larger and louder and the cops didn't even go to their house and talk to them and stated that it wasn't them that was reported. I get the feeling there is some bad feelings from a neighbour somewhere. Note cops came and left with witches hats in the driveway that clearly stated the council logo on them and they didn't say a word.......

So a couple managed to pull an all nighter (not me) and the rest of us went to sleep at our other friends house across the road. (Convenient for all). So a sleep over was had and we gathered for bacon, eggs, english muffins and hash browns in the morning to cure those that get hang overs, I don't get them myself and I am sooo glad I don't as my next day is never wasted. So that morning with the croaky i've had a late night voice I get a call saying I got the job I applied for (YAY) and by some fluke I end up getting to go for a ride in a stretch hummer too..... (woop woop I LOVE Hummers).... So my weekend was great and got me a thinking of those drunken nights years ago when you would go for a bike ride, a jump on the trampoline or even go gnoming and how good they really were!!!

Signing out

D xxx

Love or career

Ok so the almighty question LOVE OR CAREER!!!

So a lot of us come across this throughout our lives and it is a very personal decision.

So I personally have had those thoughts lately where I always wanted a career in a certain area and it hasn't happened where i'm living, so the decision is if I can obtain this career in another town am I prepared to just pack up and leave without the love of my life???? This so called love of my life has also made his thoughts quite clear on moving at this point in time, so I know that I will more than likely be moving by myself if it was to happen. But it is something that has been nagging and nagging at me and well I have no desire to have kids or anything so why not pursue the career aspect of my life??? So I ask myself yes why not, but honestly i'm also afraid of the change, but I also know it could be great!!

Love or career both have appealing aspects and how happy can you be in your relationship if you aren't happy in other areas of your life?

Or the other question is "am I not happy with the way the relationship is heading" and I am finding excuses to leave? To be honest the relationship hasn't gone anywhere in like 5 years and here I am still wasting my time and I should know better!

Whilst love is a beautiful thing and all of that crap it doesn't seem t0 really fulfil me as a person and I know I need other accomplishments in my life.

And yes you may ask if he truly loved me he would move too blah blah blah. But the truth is he is one of those males that says "you do what makes you happy" and has no desire to follow me for my dream.

So I guess I will probably sit around and stew about it for god knows how long but I will definitely keep you updated!!! and of course your thoughts are also welcome!

Signing out...........

Resignations

So I left my workplace today that I had been at for all of 3 months, not that I wanted to it is just that life changed in the last week and new beginnings (again) are required.

But it got me thinking about when I have previously left work places. Now my first job when I was a teenager and so was practically everybody I else worked with. I loved it there (not the place) but the people and the work environment and we always knew how to make it fun even when it was shit. Now when I left this place to move onto my first job out of high school I was actually sad to leave and had a great farewell (of course involving alcohol), and I did keep in touch with pretty much everyone that worked there for quite a long time.

Now the second job I ended up leaving because I moved interstate and I hated leaving this place too, I worked with all girls as it was at a fashion store and considering it was an all female environment we got along fabulously and had dinners together and blah blah.... But they also too gave me a farewell and lovely parting gift and tears were shed.

Now number 3 I moved towns and got a transfer to stay within the same company, when I left the store I originally started at that was also sad, farewell given and also an awesome parting gift. Now as for when I left the second store IT WAS HORRIBLE. I left because of bullying and backstabbing etc... and then got told by the area manager "I was just taking the easy way out". No it wasn't the easy way it was friggin hard because I loved my job, but not what went on there. Needless to say I was so relieved to leave the joint. No farewell and present was shit. (Not that I honestly cared). I had been there for 5 years and hated being pushed out and hate myself for giving into it eventually, I just wasn't strong enough to deal with the SHITE anymore!

Number 4 I quit it was SHIT!

Now number 5 I left because the company was closing down and I had been kept there for 2 years as a temp and never put on permanent (because they were shit too) there was a big communal dinner thing and at first I wasn't even invited to it because I was a temp (others that were temps were also not invited), so that pissed me off at first that I couldn't say goodbye to everyone that I had formed relationships with over the last 2 years. The manager of my section managed to swing me an invite and the people that were bitchy to me over the last 2 years felt the need to be overly nice and were promising to stay in touch etc... I wish I had stayed at home it was all so frigging fake, but a good time with the ones I liked :). So obviously there were no farewell gifts as we were all departing, but cards were filled out for everybody and you guessed it the temps were not worthy of even this!!! And because of the shit way they ended it for me I left with a smile on my face and ready to face any new challenges ahead.

Number 6OMG I don't even know where to start with this place it was full of bitches and people who thought nothing was ever good enough so my theory was to stick to myself and so I did just that besides a couple of people who were quite lovely. So I left here to go study full-time and basically because I decided I don't need to put up with this shit anymore, ever since I had moved to this town every workplace had been full of shit people who didn't like "outsiders". (Man I even went to a psychologist when I worked at this place because I thought something was wrong with me, but eventually realised it wasn't me). God i'm even getting a bit emotional just thinking about how bad some of these places were and how bad people can make you feel. So when I left this place I got the card full of farewells that just said "good luck" because obviously they didn't know anything about me at all, and a SHIT bunch of flowers that I saw later in a shop that was worth $15, I don't think it could even be classified as a "bunch" 3 shitty looking filler flowers, 1 gerbera and 2 unopened lily's AWESOME! Now the only reason it kinda ticked me off was that I had been there a year and contributed to the social club every week for these such occasions when people left and they all got presents and GREAT bunches of flowers, so when I saw mine I had a realisation that they obviously didn't think very much of me at all!!! So no I didn't walk out with a smile it was more of a frown and some tears and I think it was because it had finally gotten to me about how people can be. So my boyfriend came home and found me in tears and said what I needed to hear "why worry about them, they are just a bunch of bitches who have worked together too long and only care about themselves" and gave me a big hug! So the flowers and the card were put in the bin soon as I got home, just as a finalisation for myself. (oh and before I left a girl asked if I had emailed everyone my contact details so we could all keep in touch and I just said "nope I can do it when I get home if I remember"). ie. I want nothing more to do with u!

Soooo number 7 I went there for some casual work while I studied and it actually wasn't that bad and I had a good time and a laugh with the people I worked with, which hadn't happened in such a long time and these people didn't care that I was an outsider and they spoke to me from the very first shift I had. So the only issue today was the attitude from the manager and the evil glare when I left instead of a "goodbye", but the girls that were there said "bye, shame you are leaving, it was nice working with u and we'll see you around" because we know we aren't going to keep in touch but they know I will be shopping there and they will see me then.

Well Monday is a new beginning and i'm praying to god they haven't all been there for like 20 yrs and are actually nice people and not a bunch of bitches. So wish me luck cause it is great money and i'd like to stick around there!!!

My thought today is I hope you all have had better experiences in the workplace than myself and if not I hope it all turns around for you and I know you can get through it!!

Signing 0ut ~

Marriage

So here goes..... you may agree or not agree with me on the below.

As I get older and near the age of 30 I must say I don't overly get the point of marriage and I have become quite cynical about it. Yes I have a partner and we've been together 8 years and if he asked me to marry him I wouldn't say no.

But he also feels the same way, he doesn't quite get the point of the whole thing.

Society's notion of marriage is something between a man and a woman (which I hope also changes soon) which they feel the need to do because of history and culture, there seems to be nothing overly necessary about it. Just because I am in a committed relationship does not mean I should get married. Me not being married does not mean my relationship is any less meaningful, loving, intimate, affectionate than those who are married.

Now don't get me wrong I have had times where I thought I wanted to get married and do the whole kiddie thing. But I had this calm realisation a few months ago where I realised I don't want to get married, I don't feel the need to prove anything and I know I love my partner (sorry i'm using partner because boyfriend sounds a bit strange when you are older) and people close to me know I love him and I don't feel the need to have a ceremony to show you all that. Oh and I don't want kids at this stage in my life (or maybe ever), I only ever thought I wanted them because society thinks you should.

First thing I don't get on marriage is the COST..... You have got to be kidding me!!!!! Most people these days fund the wedding themselves and don't have the luxury of help from their parents and why should parents help out when their idea of weddings was a lot different to ours these days. I don't feel the need to spend thousands of dollars on a wedding, give me a holiday or house deposit (maybe) any day over the cost of a wedding. So if I ever feel the need to get married it shall be quite small and definitely not extravagant.

Second thing is why are you getting married? Many moons ago in our society here it was because of religious reasons, which I understand (i'm not religious myself but I get it) you have the ceremony to confirm your union before the eyes of god, you saved yourself for marriage and it was a sin to live together without being married. I also get the feeling some people marry because of fear. The fear that they will spend the rest of their lives alone or that they want people to know that he or she is MINE! (This theory does not prevent divorces in the future). But please don't tell me you got married because you felt pressured by society to do so, we are all entitled to our own opinions and to do our own thing.....and there are many more reasons I could go on with blah blah blah!!! (I also get the fact that some cultures have arranged marriages and this is not about them, it is about the society I live in).

Third thing is I just get the feeling you want to be the centre of attention and throw an elaborate party. Let me assure you your wedding is no more exciting than the last one I went to.... I congratulate the person who has a small wedding and is a little different and they don't wear white.... I love the person who gets married like this and it is so much more fun! I also find weddings a bit boring (sorry guys) but the exact same things are done at 99% of weddings, the garter and bouquet are thrown, the speeches are all the same etc etc... Lets face it the food is never overly great either, how can it be it is done in bulk.

2 weddings I went to when I was younger were quite good, one had bush dancing in a massive hall for the reception and it was fun because it was different. The other one had about 40 people in this lovely little room in a posh hotel and it was quaint and intimate. Oh actually there is another 2 weddings in the last couple years that I went to which were both outside, the ceremony and reception were held in somebody's garden, and I loved it. Actually the second one it rained on us but there were tarps up and nobody really got wet but it just added to the fun of it I thought. But all some people could do was bitch about it instead of just enjoying it and leaving just because of a bit of water. These 2 brides also did not wear the typical white dresses. I would also like to point out 2 brides on facebook, one wore peach and one wore yellow and their dresses were just so much more beautiful!

Oh and don't even get me started on having to be a bridesmaid, i'm not overly keen on the cost that comes with being a bridesmaid either. Cost of the dress, shoes, bag and accessories FAR OUT! and I don't get to wear the dress again and you don't generally get a say in the dress either. (I just love wearing something that looks shit on me).

So yes I have obviously had friends who have got married and I love them still. I'm not sure some of them were married for the right reasons but hey!!! As long as you guys are happy that is what matters to me.

I would also like to point out something that got said to me last year from a guy getting married...... "oh I don't really want to get married but it seemed like the next logical step and she really wants to get married so that is kinda why I proposed" ummmmmm no comment. I also feel sorry for the guys that get pressured into it, you girls know who you are the ones that conveniently leave jewellery catalogues around and buy a dress before he has even proposed or just go on and on and on about it ALL THE TIME! Give the guy a break, I tend to find it just scares them when you get like this or they propose for the wrong reasons.

So whatever your reason is for getting married I hope it is the right one and not because of society. I obviously don't see myself getting married anytime soon and if I do you will see us at the registry office, beach or in a garden. Or maybe in Thailand!

This isn't here to overly offend anyone but just to point out we are not all the same and maybe let you think about how you feel about it.

Signing out xxx

Why do men make us feel pathetic

Ok so the thought for today and probably every other day is why when we like/love/lust some guy/woman and it doesn't work out we turn into a pathetic version of ourselves......

I have been through a fair share of these myself I assure you, the main ones are acknowledged below.

No 1. - Was the high school sweetheart (which no other male compares to) we were together 2 years and had the most fantastic time together, then in a mutual agreement (no lies) we decided it was time to move on as our lives were heading in very different directions, he had already turned 18 and I wasn't far away from it, and to be honest my theory always was that I can't just sleep with one guy my whole life! But we also had this fairytale dream that we could be friends - RIGHT! So we broke up and all of a sudden I didn't know what to do with myself, I dated a heap of guys (no sex) and called and called and called my ex all the time. We would even meet up and do something social together, or the one time that I knew he had started seeing someone else so I deliberately seduced him and we slept together. Needless to say we didn't get back together and he kept dating the other girl! I felt so desperate for him all the time and called him so so so much it was a joke!

No 2. - My first love after high school, who I was also engaged to. Now there were so many signs from the start that I should have left but love is blinding as they say. So we met through mutual friends fell madly in love and then it began (the psychosis from his side). If I went out and came home late I would get 20 questions, I found one day all my male friends phone numbers were deleted from my mobile and psycho bf advised me I would not be speaking to them again, occasionally I would have to stay after work for meetings etc... and at one meeting after we had finished there was like 20 missed calls on my phone. But I stayed with him (very blinded) and so when things got really bad I would still find myself begging for forgiveness for no reason what so ever. I finally left one day and found myself still calling him all the time and wanting to get back together (yeah I don't know why either). I had that awful feeling of I can't live without him.

No 3. - The fuck buddy. So I had moved on with my life and living in a beautiful coastal town having the time of my life and then I met the hottest guy (and best sex of my life). So we had alot of fun nights together and never saw each other thru the day time. I somehow thought that I should be turning this into a relationship even though it was clearly never going to be one, and so the texts and calls began from my end asking to go on dates and crap, which needless to say ended the best sex of my life.

But after No 3. I decided NO MORE BEING NEEDY AND PATHETIC! So I dated this chef for awhile and it was a hot and passionate relationship and one day we had this huge fight (he texted me and told me he slept with someone else) and he told me to "get back in my box and get a life" so I walked away from him and drove off and never spoke to him again, because I realised I am not getting twisted up in this shit and begging for forgiveness for something I hadn't done. So I went and got a life and didn't call or text him once afterwards and it felt so friggin good!

So a couple months after this I met the love of my life who I now live with and have been with for 8 years in October, and if he is out and about or home late I don't do the needy texts or calls unless it has been like 24 hrs and maybe he needs help somewhere! (which has never happened). But it is such a weight off my shoulders to finally be like this!

So my question to you ladies is why do we do the needy phone calls, texts, emails, etc...... and why do we cry over them and think they are like the only thing in our lives worth living for!

Life is not all about men. I know I have one, but we seem to play on a pretty even playing field.

Don't forget life is about you!!!

Signing out.....

everybody has a blog......

Ok so apparently everybody has a blog and I started this one well over a year ago and never continued because I wasn't sure people should read my f*****up thoughts!

So here goes again....(I even once had a psychologist say I could do a blog which would be like keeping a diary of my feelings anyways, and I could leave it so only I read it)..

So no... I didn't go to uni but I am studying what I wanted to do and so far so good. My class is a little bit diverse though, we range from the ages of 16 to 50 and we all come from different walks of life and makes for some interesting arguments!

Today is one of those awful days where I have NOTHING to do, I live in this town with no friends to catch up with, my shift was cancelled at work today, my only company in the household (a lorikeet) died the other day and it is extremely quiet and thought provoking. I don't care to be left alone with my thoughts very often... it just creates havoc! So i've been listening to and downloading music from my favourite boy band from when I was a teen cause it makes me feel good... (feeling pathetic right about now).

So I sit here typing up this thing and wonder "what the hell am I doing" seriously. I am definitely not interesting in anyway and have nothing interesting to type about. But i'm doing it anyways. I do have this great boyfriend in this town though which is the reason I came to be here in the first place, but how long can u stay for them when u feel suffocated and they think u r joking when u suggest moving to somewhere else. So the decision from my end though is, finish the course get the certificate/diploma and then follow your career, which I will more than likely have to move for anyway because I seem to be studying something where I will have to wait for people to die to get into a job in it.

One more rant though - what is with the friggin people on facebook that have these " I love life", "Life is so good right now" statuses, my question is "is it really"? or r we trying to impress some people?

So signing out now for a second time to go and listen to some AWESOME uplifting teen style music!